Do you find yourself putting everyone else first, clients; well obviously they are important for you business or work but also friends and family and not just occasionally all the time. If someone asks you to do something you always say yes without even thinking. Can you remember the last time you did something for yourself? You always seem to be doing favours for people not that you mind but you feel there is something missing and you can’t put your finger on it. You don’t wake up full of joy and looking forward to the day.
So what do you enjoy doing if you are not doing things for other people, many of my clients when I ask them this have forgotten or they don’t know.
Take a few minutes to think about this.
The next question is what is important to you could you name eight things that are important in your life – your values.
When people come and see me as a coach and they are feeling dissatisfied with their life it may be that they are not honouring their values. I have come across people who have lived their lives according to someone else’s values for example children who follow a career path to please their parents because they feel it is expected of them, and only when they make a change do they feel truly fulfilled. Sometimes some of our values may seem to be at odds with others you hold, for example you may have a value of wanting to be a good provider but also have creativity as a value. The first thing is which is the most important value for you and how can you honour the other one. So for example you are in a job with a good income which fulfils your value of provider which you feel is the most important one but it is in an office in the city and there is not much opportunity for creativity. One option might be to find some creative activity to do outside work. If it is not your most important value then finding another way of honouring it may be the answer.
Very often our friends and families have similar values but this is not always the case or at least not all of them are the same. You and your partner share many of the same values but he has a value of spontaneity, and has come from a family who never saved any money. You on the other hand value security and come from a family who always put money aside. How can the two of you live together and both honour your values. Communication is very important here so you might decide to have a bank account into which you pay the mortgage money for bills contingencies and some savings. Then agree that what each of you have left over you can spend or save as you wish. In this case the spender is free to spend what they have left and the partner who values security can save the rest of their money if they wish.
We obviously can’t go through life doing exactly what we want to do all of the time, but to feel fulfilled we need to honour our most important values. So what do you do if you and your partner have some differences for example your partner values are adventure and spontaneity, you value open-mindedness but stability. He would like a more exotic holiday than you who is happy to sit by the pool or on the beach. You would find all the trips and activities he has in mind stressful but agree to go along on one or two. You realise that with his encouragement you have had some experiences that you would not normally have had and have been able to enjoy them in their limited quantity, but too much would have been quite stressful.
Having to do things which don’t honour your values can be stressful which is what usually makes people realise they need to make some changes.
Our value system extends to all parts of our life so it includes health career and family understanding what is important to you can allow you to lead a more fulfilled life.
So if you are feeling something is not right ask yourself what is important to you and what changes can you make to fulfil these values.
Do call me for a chat if you would like some help with this
call me on 07714 201 649