Coaching – a personal account

I asked my client for a testamonial and she produced this which I am publishing as a blog. Many people wonder what it is like to be a coaching client, this is a very personal account. Every coaching situation is different and everyone  varies how long they are coached for some only need 6 session others more. This is her experience.

I had a very important date; so I got ready, I wanted to look my best for the occasion. I was meeting a person who I can honestly say has turned my life around, in the space of one year. Someone who has coached listened to all my problems, someone who I could talk to about anything and everything, from the silliest things to the most private moments of my life.
Who s this amazing lady you may well ask?
Well her name is Fiona Miller and this is my story.

In 2014 after nearly 26 years of marriage (with all its up’s and downs) I was going through a very nasty divorce with my husband.  At the point when I went to see Fiona I was living with my elderly parents.  Our son was married and had left home.  My husband and I had worked so hard all our lives and this was supposed to be the best time after the “children have flown the nest”, but things did not work out like that.  I had tried everything you can possibly imagine to keep my marriage together and spent rather a lot of money on solicitor’s fighting my husband but we were both convinced that this was the end of our marriage and we were going our separate ways although we had not yet actually got divorced we had to split everything 50/50 and sold our home.

I remember my solicitor saying to me “I really don’t think this is what you want (a divorce).  But I knew in my heart that I had pushed my husband out of my life and I was  preparing for him moving on with a new partner (although we had both been totally faithful to each other all our married life ).  The last evening in our home with all the furniture gone we had been out for dinner and then we sat on the floor in the bedroom (sky was still working) and we watched two movies together.  My husband isn’t the romantic type, but he did say to me “Any chance that I do a Richard Gere and whisk you off your feet with a white limo and some flowers when you move back to your parent’s house?” I had a lot of anger and hurt inside as for the last two year’s he had not paid attention to me, was not meeting any of my needs, did not make a fuss or pay me any compliments, we had not been on a holiday together for 4 years, so … I said “NO”.  But inside I really wanted him to save our marriage.

I moved in with my parents I realised after six weeks, that I was sitting with my parent’s “Waiting for God”, I really felt my life was over and would never be happy again, never wear all the lovely clothes I had, never go on a holiday with someone I loved.  To top it all my mother told me “You don’t need a man in your life, you are better off on you own”.  I thought to myself I was well past my sell by date! I did not care about anything at all; I was feeling very low.

I had to make important decisions but I could not make them.  I was all over the place and eventually my solicitor got really fed up with me and said: “you need to do something as you are not making any sense” That was my wake up call.  So when I announced that I was going to see Fiona, she raised her hands in the air (my solicitor, that is) and said “That’s the best decision you have made for years”.  You see the divorce with my husband had actually started in 2008 and we were now in 2014 and not divorced yet!

What can I say about Fiona and how she helped me?  Well I started to see her on a weekly basis and I did this for nearly 9 months.  Fiona turned my life around with her Life Coaching skills, learning how to set boundaries, removing myself from situations, learning to get my needs met etc. etc.  Did I listen and did I learn? Yes, I did.  Was it easy? Not always.  Many times I would call Fiona, or email her, in totally desperation, crying and upset. She always responded as soon as she could and made helpful suggestions in respect of that particular situation.

Some of the things Fiona suggested I could not see why she would want me to do these things, as to me it did not seem relevant to my pressing problems.  But slowly but surely I started to gain confidence, I took up different activities, started looking after myself, (instead of putting other people first).  I gained tools that have made my life much better and do you know what “I’m really happy for the first time in my life”.

You are probably asking yourself “So what has my life turned out like now?”  Well… guess what… I did not get divorced from my husband after all, we had a big bonfire with all the solicitor’s files and Divorce Proceedings… we started a new life together, we are now grandparents…. but the best thing of all is that we are together because we want to be and love each other very much…. So for me I got what “I really really wanted” to save my marriage.

On route, I regained my confidence, I love my life and I try new things as if you haven’t tried how do you know that you won’t like it? I learnt to dance which was something I had always wanted to do.  I also re-joined the Gym and lost weight and have a new look and I am more relaxed, not stressed, have a laugh and joke and don’t take myself too seriously when it’s not necessary, and guess what my husband loves the new ME!!

I hope this helps you, as I really could not see over the “BRICK WALL” so to speak in 2014 I had no idea on how my life would be today.  I really thank God that I met Fiona as I had tried everything but nothing seemed to work and my husband did not want to go to a marriage counsellor (By the way he thought I was going to Stress Management Classes).  I could have been going to the moon, I really didn’t care, but I needed help very badly and I am truly grateful for Fiona’s help.

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